Hello!! I have to warn you, this post is a little long so no worries if you only get through half and save the rest for another day. Ok, let’s talk about it!!! FACEBOOK and relationships!! Man, oh man…where do I even start with this one?? Does Facebook ruin relationships? How ‘bout we start with some stats and you be the judge? A 2010 survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML) found that “four out of five lawyers reported an increase in divorce in the past five years due to social networking sites”. Facebook being the NUMBER ONE cause.
I know nothing about divorce, but I do know about dating and being in a relationship. I have been in a relationship “officially” for sixteen days, so I’m quite the expert. LOL! When you start dating someone at what point do you change your status to “In a relationship” on Facebook?
Ok, let’s jump back here. In order to understand and clearly make a decision on whether Facebook ruins relationships or not, we need to weigh all the evidence. Let’s start with my scenario; I created a Facebook page years ago, in fact I didn’t even create it, I had a friend do it because I was so not into it. When it was created the relationship status said “single” and it never changed. If someone sent me a message or comment on a pic, I would check it, but I wasn’t what you would call an “avid Facebooker.”
I’ve had several relationships in the past but the whole time my status stayed the same; reason being that I just didn’t care enough to change it. Not about the person, I’m talking about the status. I could barely turn on my computer, let alone change the settings. It never seemed to be a problem for whomever I was dating, and in return I did not care about their status either.
I usually don’t even like to be Facebook friends with the person I am dating. It becomes complicated…or so I’ve heard. Again, I have not had any issues in this department yet…LOL! With that being said, I have numerous girlfriends complaining about their man’s status, or a comment that some chick named “Candy” left on his page. The stories all sound and end the same…in a huge fight or a breakup.
Now, let’s fast forward to the present. The guy that I am now in a relationship with, I am actually Facebook friends with. We were dating on and off for about two years, and in the beginning at some point, we became FB friends. Actually, now that I think about it, I think he was the one that requested me and I had no problem with it at all. I thought it was a solid move on his part. It was HIS choice so there was no pressure. You just never know when you first start dating someone. Guys are usually weird about that sort of thing. Most men like to date around and want to keep it on the DL (Mom, “DL” means on the down low…or incognito. Love ya!) LOL! Let’s face it, we all know someone that is a FB stalker. It’s so not cute for guys or girls
So, great! Now we are FB friends…now what? LOL! Do I look at his page? Is he looking at mine? If I see something on his page and want to comment, is that weird? Wait, then he will know I was looking at his page; will he think I’m a stalker? And here we go, 101 questions. I know I’m not alone in this thought process Ladies! Come on, you feel me. Geeeeez, writing all that just made me FEEL crazy. Imagine going through it at the time. Not fun! But at some point we have all been there.
Next step I will wait and see if he comments on my page then I can comment on his; THEN it’s not weird. I’m following his lead. ;) Ok, so now we are patiently waiting for him to comment. We check his page every once in a while and everything seems pretty normal. HAHAHA! All of the sudden, a break in the “who comments first” situation! He wants the pics that I took of us hanging out the other night. “Great! I’ll e-mail them to you.” That’s “ok” he says, “just post em on FB.” Jackpot!! I’m not a stalker and now it will be publicly known that we have and are hanging out. Of course the whole time I’m cool as a cucumber about the whole thing.
Don’t worry; I haven’t forgotten about my original question, “Does Facebook ruin relationships?” I will be making that conclusion very soon but first some more evidence. Now fast forward to 16 days ago when my boyfriend and I had “the talk” about being official. Great! A couple days passed and I was on my FB page looking through some old pics when I came across the setting for “relationship status.” I think it’s a great time to change it from “single” to “in a relationship”; so that’s what I did. As soon as I changed it, it blasted “in a relationship” and I “updated my status” and all kinds of crap. What the heck; I thought it was a little much. I don’t want to shove it down people’s throats.
I check out his page to see what his status is; it said nothing, which is how it was before we started dating and will probably stay that way and I’m totally ok with that. I think he is where I was a while ago; he doesn’t put too much value on FB. I changed my status because I wanted to and I don’t EXPECT or DEMAND anything from him.
I think this is where most of the fights stem from. For example, “why are you hiding me? Are you ashamed of me? Are you cheating on me?” Now in some cases there might be an issue if you’re married with six kids and all you have is pics of you and your dog. Hmmm…Might want to look into that! I want to give men the benefit of the doubt and say that I believe in most cases that men just really don’t care that much about FB, and ladies trust me, we want to keep it that way. There’s nothing sexier than a guy that can type as fast a 1950’s secretary without a diploma. Right?? WRONG!! Get out from in front of the computer and be active. Just a suggestion.
Ok, here it comes, finally the conclusion; thanks for hanging in there. I know it’s a long post but this is a very relevant subject and I had a lot to say. Get ready for it…FACEBOOK DOES NOT RUIN RELATIONSHIPS!!! PEOPLE DO! We have no control over situations that happen; what we do have control over is the way we handle it. It’s people’s projection of FB that has a tendency to blow everything out of proportion. Almost everything can be taken the wrong way out of context. If you look at my FB page and flip through my pics you will see some photos of me with other guys. Newsflash, they are my friends! Anyone can look at them and say “hmmmm…Who is this guy?” Especially my boyfriend. Thank God he is not like that. He’s a HOT, secure, amazing man and I’m in a relationship because I CHOOSE to be. It’s all about trust my friends; if you don’t have it than there is NO relationship.
It goes both ways though. If I look on his page and see some chick calling him baby, I’m not going to get upset. It means nothing. It’s just a name. On the other hand if you read a comment that says “thanks for last night!” when your man told you he was staying in cause he didn’t feel good and had his phone off all night, probably time to find a new bf. Listen. To all my readers; save yourself the aggravation and don’t be one of those insecure people that flip through call logs, text messages, and FB. Trust or move on.
Tip of the day: BE SECURE IN YOUR OWN SKIN.
HAPPY THURSDAY! The weekend is almost here. xoxoox